Cursed Foods

We all have our individual quirks and things that make us unique. These should be cherished as they make us who we are. These can take form in our vocabulary, habits, actions, and even our diets. One of my quirks is dipping my McDonald’s chips into my strawberry milkshake, but I feel this is actually surprisingly common. But what about other food combos that push the boundaries even further, and bravely go where no-one else has gone before? Maybe no-one else has gone there before for a good reason…We’re going to take a look at the top cursed food images on the internet and rate them! (So you don’t have to)

Mint Pizza

Everybody’s favourite food –but with a twist. Who are we to judge? It’s efficient. Think of all the time you could save by pre-applying your toothpaste to all of your dinner foods.

Our complex food-rating algorithm rated the presentation of these meals three stars and we can’t help but agree –the combination of colours is stunning. The texture of this meal only received one star, there doesn’t appear to be much crunch coming from any aspect of the pizza. Taste,as-well, only received one starts there were questions raised regarding the combination of mint and almost every single other aspect of this dish.

Verdict: CURSED –don’t ever do this. Diabolical.

Gherkin Sarnie

Gherkins–you either love them or loath them. For the working man/woman there is no substitute for the sandwich. It is easy to make, easy to store, and easy to eat. No mess, no stress –a timeless classic. The presentation of this meal could be improved –although clear effort has been made for even application of peanut butter. One star. The highlight of this dish is clearly the texture-the smoothness of the peanut butter combined with the crunch of a fresh gherkin should be hard to beat. A full three stars rating. The combo of sharp vinegar combined with the earthy nutty undertones could work, although one star has been removed for using wholemeal bread.

Verdict: NOT CURSED –this is borderline acceptable. Just don’t let your co-workers see inside your lunch-box.

De-constructed carbonara

This was captured directly from Heston Blumenthal’s personal Snapchat account. It can only be described as a deconstructed carbonara–an abstract take on another classic dish. The presentation of this dish is left wanting –and if it were not for the garish bowl this would have received 0 stars. One star. The texture of this dish would be quite vile, slippery pieces of pasta in milk? No thanks –one star. The taste of this dish is actually the strongest asset –in theory, it should work. If you like the taste of carbonara, then this is just the same! Just stripped back to basics…Two stars.

Verdict: CURSED –If you eat this, congratulations–you’re going straight to Hell!

XXXtra Crusty

If you’re one of those fussy eaters that refuse to eat the crusts of your pizza then maybe this one isn’t for you. The presentation of this dish is quite average so it’s hard to give it more than two stars. The smattering of cheese on the crust is a nice touch. Two stars. The texture of this meal would be akin to eating gravel…it would probably be easier on your teeth to eat gravel though. One star (If we could go lower, we would). The taste of this dish is a strength–apart from the horrible ratio of toppings to the dough. Three stars.

Verdict: CURSED –my teeth hurt just looking at the picture.

Cinema Snacks

How often do you buy a big box of popcorn at the cinema but by the end of the film find crumbs and kernels all over you? Problem solved! The chef responsible for this dish has clearly taken some time to make it look appealing, good coverage of tomato ketchup and the plating looks excellent. Two stars. The texture of this dish seems to sing all the right notes –the crunch of the popcorn, the softness of the tortilla, and the moisture of the tomato ketchup to bring it together. Two stars. The taste of this dish is extremely poor –it doesn’t matter whether the popcorn is sweet or salty, this is vile. One star.

Verdict: CURSED –be prepared for your film to be cut short, as you will be arrested promptly for creating this monstrosity.