The pain of having to make decisions.
A painkiller that targets the areas of the brain that is used to make stressful decisions.
Making decisions is something I try to avoid.
Whether it is choosing an item on a menu, the type of coffee to order at a coffee shop or the Christmas presents to buy for my loved ones.
These decisions always give me a headache.
I just want them to disappear.
If only there was something to make these moments less stressful and overwhelming.
I could have used this painkiller for some big moments in my life.
When thinking back to a time in my life that stands out, my decision to move to America for football is one of those moments.
At that time, I had offers from different places around the world to continue my football career.
One of my options was staying at home where I knew I’d be comfortable and have my family and friends around me.
Another option was to accept a scholarship at a major university in the United States, pairing football with studying.
The other option was to pursue a professional contract at a club across the globe in Seattle, with the chance of moving on to a bigger team.
All three options had their advantages…
All three options had their disadvantages.
There was a time limit, making the decision making process a lot tougher.
Why couldn’t I just brush this under the carpet and hide away?
The stress was horrific.
What if I made the wrong decision?
What if things don’t work out?
What if I start to miss my family?
All of these questions popped up and at such a young age, the decision was monumental.
I had only lived away from home once; this was an hour away from my house and I got to go home every weekend.
Moving to the United States was slightly different.
Moving to the opposite side of the United States was even more different.
Time zones, long flights. Not an ideal combo for someone trying to persuade himself to move away.
If only this decision could have been made for me, taken out of my hands. Or better still, a painkiller that could at least assist me.
So, I had to weigh up the pros and cons.
The pain of being away from my family and friends would be heart-breaking. Just thinking about the drive to the airport and being waved off, left to myself made my stomach drop.
Then I have to think about the pain of not following my dreams. The pain of ‘what could have been’. The pain of ‘what if’. That is one of the scariest pains imaginable.
But which pain is worse. I mean, I’d only be away from home for a set amount of time. However, that is a long time without seeing my loved ones. It’s not as if I can just fly home every weekend.
Then I have to think about my career. Do I put all my eggs into one basket and choose the football only option. There is a higher chance of me making it to where I want to be, however, the backup plans aren’t as solid.
If I chose to go to university in the United States, I’d be playing football at a good level, however, it isn’t as likely to get me where I want to be. On the other hand, there will be a solid backup plan in place with a degree.
What do I do?
What do I choose?
Tick tock, decisions need to be made.
Phone calls were ignored. Emails were left unread.
I needed time. The pain was there.
Deep breath.
Let’s do it.
When I look back on my life, I don’t want to have regrets. This was a time in my life that I think about often.
As the saying goes, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
Contract signed.
Decision made.
We’re off to Seattle next week.
Let’s get prepared and give it all we’ve got.
4 countries later.
2 league titles later.
Did I make the right decision?
We’ll never know.
But what I do know is this decision definitely changed me as a person.
I now understand how opportunities work. Whenever I find myself putting a decision off, I now turn around and said to myself ‘no, we’ll sort this right now’.
Sometimes you have to soak up the pain and use it to your advantage.
Sometimes you have to take the leap of faith.
I did.